What Keith Said

On Manners

2007-07-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

Ken Griffey Jr. executes a successful take-out slide.

G: Fans are booing but that's a very clean play by Griffey.

K: I tell you what, we've had two tough slides into second base by Reds players that are perfectly clean, and right out of the old, taking a page out of the past. None of this, oh, "sorry old chap", and tea and crumpets after the game!

On Employee Loyalty

2007-07-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

Jose Reyes and Ruben Gotay start the Bottom 1st with back-to-back homers.

G: I'm chuckling to myself because, you realize that the Mets just fired their hitting coach, and replaced him, so far, with nobody. And right now nobody's doing a heck of a job!

On Food

2007-07-03T20:31:00.000-07:00

K: I haven't heard the guys in the truck in a while, they awake down there, they fall asleep?

G: I'm...I'm told they were having cheeseburgers.

K: Cheeseburgers...we can't eat up here! We can't...we can't do a broadcast with food in our mouth!

G: You can't?! What does a Tootsie Pop count as?

K: That's not food. That's candy.

G: So you can eat candy during a game but you can't eat food?

K: Well you can't...chomp on a burger, or a french fry, cause you, you know.

G: I could guarantee you, if I put a cheeseburger in front of you, you'd be able to eat it and work at the same time.

K: You could probably put a pizza there, I'd...

On Age Acceptance

2007-07-02T18:01:00.000-07:00

G: Lined the other way, right into the glove of Helton, and Lo Duca retired, one away.

K: Well, this is a big hang-with-em, and there's a Golden Glover right there, in Todd Helton. I like his goatee, don't you?

G: He looks...very different.

K: That's a, that's a very, very mature, full goatee.

G: Well, we mentioned it when the Rockies were in New York, it's the Ken Caminiti look.

K: Yes, that's right!

G: Carlos Beltran takes ball one. You think he uses, uh...

K: I don't think he's old enough for Just For Men yet.

G: No?

K: Come on, no. Look at the, there's no gray in the sideburns.

G: But that's the thing, there's no gray at all.

K: Well...

G: "You know there's no play for..."

K: "For Mister", I forget the line! I should know that!

G: Come on!

K: That's Walt's line!

G: 2-0 to Beltran who's 0 for 2, and he takes the fastball for a strike. "There's no play, for Mister..."

K: "Mister Gray."

G: "Re-jected."

K: "Rejected." Yes I said...

G: You got a lot of money for that!

K: I...that's...the gift that keeps giving! I use it, you know I use it.

G: Big cut by Beltran.

K: I mean my mustache now is almost entirely gray, and before I started this trip, I used it.

G: Looks very nice by the way.

K: It does look nice. I mean you wouldn't know that I'm a 53-year old man, look at that, not an ounce of gray! I can still trick 'em!

G: And no wrinkles either!

K: Well...

On Clothing

2007-07-02T15:30:00.000-07:00

G: Alex Rodriguez tops the All-Star voting.

K: As he should have.

G: Not many votes for his spouse, who wore a uh...rather...um...I don't even know how to say it!

K: Well, say, don't.

G: A t-shirt she should not have worn to the ballpark.

K: Next!

G: I...

K: Hey...

G: What are these people thinking?

K: That's your First Amendment rights now.

G: ....I see. Should I see if I can sign you up with the ACLU?

K: No! Definitely not. (G: Willy Taveras on deck and then Jamey Carroll.) I will not comment on that neither.

On Food

2007-06-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

G: What I miss, because of interleague play, is, you know, more games with the older rivals, the Cubs, the Cardinals, games like that. To me that's why I'd like to see just the Mets and Yankees, and kinda lose the rest of it.

Ralph Kiner: Now that's the icing on the cake, right there.

G: Right! Well the icing's always the best part, isn't it?

Ralph Kiner: Well the cakes I eat are pretty bad.

On Travel

2007-06-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

Gary reads a promo for "CommuterCast" on the CW11 Morning News.

G: That's how you get where you're going.

R: That's how I get here, couldn't today though. Bags, bags.

G: Oh it's a road trip.

R: Yeah, it's a problem with bags.

G: Ben Johnson takes a strike. If you go on the subway with your bags, do people, like, give you money?

R: No, they don't give me money but what happens, you get some really odd looks from people because you're taking up more room than you should.

K: You must keep your eye on your bags when you're on that 7 train.

R: Mine are so heavy, no problems. No one's running away with these bags.

G: Wheels. You have wheels on your bags?

R: No wheels.

G: You need wheels. Johnson fouls it off, 1-2.

R: You know I have that personality. If everyone's doing it, I can't do it. If everyone's doing wheels, I go with carry. Once everyone starts to go back to carry, I'll be with the wheels.

G: You have a lock on your bag?

R: Uh, no.

G: We're going to Detroit.

R: No lock! There's nothing worth nothing, nothing worth anything in that bag.

On Sponsor Loyalty

2007-05-22T14:01:00.000-07:00

R: At this point in your career, you're more of a sweet kind of guy aren't you?

K: Yeah... (R: Yeah.) I think so.

G: Good change-up by Davies, 1-1.

K: Tivo guy too, love that Tivo!

R: Good change-up here from Davies, down and away.

G: I don't think our sponsors want to be hearing about you and Tivo. 1-2 to Green. But of course when you Tivo the game you *watch* the commercials.

K: Well...I speed through 'em. But I can speed, (R: You can recognize...) lip-read too. So I know what they're saying.

G: Davies working him tough and it's 2-2.

R: No one knows our advertisers better than these two people in the booth right here.

G: True. Okay you get a pass.

On Television

2007-05-08T19:31:00.000-07:00

G: By the way, it's just after midnight in New York, and we'd just like to thank you for staying up with us.

K: Who?

G: The people out there who are watching!

K: Oh. You know you're always thoughtful, you know that? You're a very thoughtful man.

On Literature

2007-05-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

A group of kids is shown at Shea courtesy of a kids literacy charity.

G: And their day will be complete when they get the abridged version of The Three Musketeers.

K: Yes, the abridged!

G: Which I know is your favorite book.

K: Well, actually, who was your favorite classic writer, Gary?

G: Well...classic writer...well, I don't think I was as into the classics as you were.

K: Well tell me who your favorite writer is.

G: My favorite writer was Kurt Vonnegut who just passed away.

K: Really? Okay, and your favorite book by him?

G: Slaughterhouse-Five.

K: Okay. I've always been a Victor Hugo fan. And not Les Misérables! I love the Notre-Dame de Paris, and Toilers of the Sea was just brilliant.

G: You never cease to amaze me.

On Entertainment

2007-04-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

G: It started out as a great pitchers' duel between Smoltz and Glavine, but it's become a rollicking affair, six to six. Mr. Met should... get out on the mound, good arm!

K: A rollicking affair? I like that word.

G: Former met Tyler Yates takes over the pitching. You used to like to rolic.

K: Of course! My favorite pastime! Especially after midnight.

On Television

2007-04-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

G: Well, thousands auditioned, three are left, and this Tuesday one will become the next Pussycat Doll. Don't miss the season finale at CW's smash hit Pussycat Dolls: The Search for the Next Doll. Tuesday at 9 right here on the CW11.

K: What did you say?

G: I have no idea what I said!

K: You better watch it.

G: I know if you're the next American Idol you get a recording contract; what do you get if you're the next Pussycat Doll?

K: You said it again!

G: Do I want to know? Alou fouls it back.

K: Anthony, get Gary some coffee, would you please? He needs to wake up a little bit.

G: Think we can get that show on SNY?

On Architecture

2007-04-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

G: And of course in this particular bullpen [at Citizens Bank Park], you sit down there with the fans raining abuse on you from up above. There's where they sit, and there are fans right above them.

K: Well they're under cover right there. They're in the Führer-bunker.

On Literature

2007-04-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

On Honesty

2007-04-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

G: The Nationals beat the Marlins their third game of the season on a game-winning hit in the bottom of the 9th by Dmitri Young. That is the only time they have lead a game this season.

K: Well... (G: Changeup misses, 2-2.) Can we say that they stink?

G: You can say they stink. Well let's put it this way, they are... challenged.

On Money (Part Two)

2007-04-11T15:00:00.000-07:00

Video of the Brooklyn Bridge shot from a moving boat, while Gary recites the broadcast sponsors.

K: Was that a live shot of the city? Do we have a boat out there? SNY, they really spent some money this year!

G: That's the "SS SNY".

K: Last year we couldn't buy a shot!

On Money (Part One)

2007-04-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

G: [Phillies pitcher Adam] Eaton got three years and 24 million dollars, off a partial season last year.

R: Excuse me while I'm salivating here, let me just wipe this off.

On Sunglasses

2007-04-09T20:02:00.000-07:00

G: Rollins batting right-handed for the first time today. And he's ditched the shades! Now wait a second -- it's still sunny out there, he had the reflector glasses on his first four at-bats, and now he's gone shadeless.

R: It's like sponsors, you only have to have them on for seven innings, Jimmy Rollins. After that he can do whatever he wants.

G: Like a NASCAR driver, right?

R: That's right.

K: Or like in Lawrence of Arabia when they cross the desert and they said "the sun's off the anvil", which is directly overhead. So it's more of a angle in.

G: You floor me, with your references. 1-2 to Rollins.

K: You remember when cross the desert to the Aqaba, when they attack the Sicilian Aqaba, and they went across the desert. And Omar Sharif said "We have to point X before the sun hits the anvil." I'll never forget that line.

G: Wow. Well that certainly explains why Jimmy's not wearing the sunglasses.

K: I like that. "Sun's off the anvil!"

On Ego

2007-04-09T14:00:00.001-07:00

G: It's not as chilly in the sun, but it's still chilly.

K: We got an nice heater up here, that's all that counts, right in our feet.

R: Yes.

G: Me, me, me.

On Gender

2007-04-08T16:02:00.000-07:00

Upcoming schedule graphic displayed on screen.

K: I love that "pocket schedule" graphic.

R: You love it because it has the color! It's just like a...

G: Scorecard!

K: It gives you the scores behind, and what's up ahead, I love it.

G: It doesn't have the pink, like Keith does on his scorecard.

K: Well...

G: It takes a real man to use a pink highlighter.

R: He's certainly in touch with his feminine side, absolutely.

K: ......No comment.

G: Good job! That's outstanding work on your part.

On Age Acceptance

2007-04-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

G: Reads a promo for "Kids Clubhouse". And I know that's Keith's favorite show, so he didn't want me to miss that. Beltran takes ball one. You are just a kid at heart.

K: Who me?

G: Yeah you!

K: Really? At 53?

G: You know we were talking about Greg Picker, 43rd birthday tomorrow, you're already on the AARP rolls, right? 53.

K: Yeah but I didn't join.

G: That's okay, you're not a joiner, I know, but...

K: They keep sending me in the mail all the time, I don't send it back.

G: That's cause you're still a kid. One and one to Beltran.

K: Peter Pan!

G: That's good, I like that! I don't know how you'd look in green tights, but...

R: Keith's like Groucho Marx, he doesn't want to belong to any group that wants him in it.

K: What did Alou do his last at-bat?

G & R: He walked.

K: Okay, I missed that one.

On Company Loyalty

2007-04-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

G: So, Ronnie, I heard there was a possibility you might be heading to Augusta tomorrow.

R: I can go. I'm probably going to go. We have the day off because, uh......

G: Fox.

R: Fox TV?

G: You can say it, you can say it.

R: I never know if I can say it. Fox TV is doing the game tomorrow.

On Weight

2007-04-06T17:02:00.000-07:00

R: Chad Paronto by the way, when they introduced the Braves today, he looked like the coach with the little leaguers, he is SO BIG!

G: They've got some beef (R: Wow!) in that bullpen with him and Wickman. I mean he... Wickman's a... you know... fairly...... wide-bodied fellow himself.

R: Ample.

G: Yes. Good word.